Saying Hello and Goodbye!

Today has been a fairly hectic Saturday with more than just the usual ballet and swimming lessons for the girls. After dropping Ruby off for her swimming lesson, I rushed off to the train station to pick up one of my mummy friends, Kylie (notevena.blogspot.co.uk).

Kylie and I have only met in the flesh a handful of times, but every time we meet I feel like I have known her years; although we do not meet in person often, we have been chatting online for over 5 years and have shared a lot together. We both joined an online forum just before our weddings in 2008, to get ideas and inspiration. After we were both married and whilst still participating in the forum, we both fell pregnant at a similar time and shared our journeys to motherhood.

It was fantastic meeting up with Kylie today, we had a lovely time chatting about anything and everything and Kylie got to finally meet Lottie who is her God-daughter.

Kylie was in Leicester to speak at my local cathedral as part of a service held in association with Saying Goodbye UK, an organisation that provides support to those who have lost a baby; I was privileged to be able to attended the service with her.

"The loss of a baby is a devestating and traumatic experiences for the mother and father, and of course for the extended family. Before 24 weeks gestation there is often no funeral service held, no tribute to commerotate a life unlived. for babies lost after this time, services are normally conducted while the parents are in the depths of grief"

Source: Saying Goodbye UK.

The saying goodbye events are the first national set of commemorative services for people who have lost a baby at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy. The services are for people of any faith or no faith at all, and are for anyone who has lost a baby, whether the loss was yesterday or 80 years go.

The service was very emotional and informative; I don't think there was a dry eye in the house when the cannon, who was taking the service, spoke about how his own personal experience and how he had a newborn son who was in neonatal intensive care and ultimately passed away. It was a very heartfelt and rare emotional talk that really pulled at my heart strings.

I really liked the following thought provoking poem that was read at the service:

In Memory of Zackery Wasik -By Jennifer Wasik

I thought of you and closed my eyes 

And prayed to God today, 

I asked, "What makes a Mother?" 

And I know I heard him say: 

A Mother has a baby, This we know is true 

But, God, can you be a mother 

When your baby's not with you? 

Yes, you can, he replied 

With confidence in his voice, 

I give many women babies, 

When they leave it is not their choice. 

Some I send for a lifetime, 

And others for the day, 

And some I send to feel your womb, 

But there's no need to stay. 

I just don't understand this God, 

I want my baby here. 

He took a breath, 

And cleared his throat, 

And then I saw a tear. 

I wish I could show you, 

What your child is doing Here... 

If you could see your child smile 

With other children and say, 

"We go to earth to learn our lessons 

Of love and life and fear, 

But my mommy loved me so much 

I got to come straight here!"

I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me, 

I learned my lessons very quickly, 

My Mommy set me free. 

I miss my Mommy oh so much 

But I visit her each day. 

When she goes to sleep,

On her pillow is where I lay. 

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, 

And whisper in her ear, 

"Mommy, Please don't be sad today, 

I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one, 

Your children are okay. 

Your babies are here in my home, 

And this is where they'll stay. 

They'll wait for you with Me, 

Until your lessons there are through, 

And on the day that you come home, 

They'll be at the gates waiting for you 

So now you see What makes a Mother, 

It's the feeling in your heart, 

It's the love you had so much of 

Right from the very start.

If you have lost a baby or child however long ago it may have been, support and advice can be found here: www.sayinggoodbye.org.