"I just can't relax, it's not in my nature!"

The last few days have been really tough for me and I have felt a bit of a useless mother to Ruby and Lottie as I have not been able to do any of the normal things we would do; I can't even pick Lottie up because if I did, I would risk doing more damage to my knee. If you don't already know about the surgery I had you can read about it here.

I am finding life very, very frustrating and over the weekend I was feeling really unwell and decided to go back into hospital to be checked over, as it turns out I have been having side effects of the spinal anaesthetic and the painkillers I was on were having very little effect; I struggled to get any sleep on Friday and Saturday night. Fortunately by late Sunday afternoon I was seen by a really lovely and kind doctor who prescribed better pain killers and I am pleased to say that these on top of what I was on before, are helping me to sleep a bit better, however they do knock me for six a little and I end up feeling spaced out.

With the new painkillers having an affect really quickly by bedtime, I walked only a few metres from my bedroom to the bathroom, I really thought I could do it, I couldn't. I screamed in pain for hubbie and my knee had totally frozen and locked, I would have fell if Phil had not have had a hand on me. I think it's safe to say that I have learnt my lesson and I need to use my crutches; the pain I received after trying stupidly to walk was worse than when I was on the weaker painkillers. I am just so impatient to return to some form of normality; it annoys me that I see things I would normally do and I can do them; I ask Phil to do them and he agrees, but sometimes he forgets!

I would do anything to have a bath but I can't, I'm not even allowed to get my dressing wet! This led to a discussion between Phil and I as to how best to tackle me having my hair washed; initially I thought I could lean over the bath, but I can't bend my knee so that was a no go. In the end we decided that the best thing to do was to wrap a bin bag around my knee and tape it to keep the water out, it was not one of my most glamorous moments, and I struggled to stand in the bath but it was worth it.

I love driving even though I only tend to potter around in my local area, but still having the freedom taken away is hard and I have no idea when I will be given the go ahead to drive again. I hope I can drive for the end of August as this is when Ruby starts school and I need to get her to school by car, as there is no bus and walking is not an option as its five miles away.

However there are some advantages to having my knee operation is not all doom and gloom, I hope to be pain free and have my knee problems resolved. Phil is having to take a week off work to look after me and the girls and I think it is safe to say he's learning how very difficult and challenging it is to be a full time stay at home parent. As I can't stand for any great length of time, all my meals are being prepared for me and I'm having to learn how to sit down. I just can't relax, it's not in my nature! Last night for example I was etching to go out into the garden and despite Phil insisting that he would water the vegetables and flowers, I decided to give it a go and I'm pleased to say I did it and it felt so good to be able to do something so small but normal too.

I'd love to know if you've ever had to rest and how you've coped, what did you do to kill the boredom?